Cat House Rules (not for humans)
By now you may or may not feel you know your human well but I’m sure you will agree that reading some helpful guidelines to keep your human in check will help you to understand what has worked for some of your brothers and sisters over the years : CAT HOUSE RULES
HUMAN’S RUGS AND FURNITURE:
If you have to BE SICK and bring back that piece of grass you ate earlier get to a a rug or a gorgeous piece of furniture as quickly as you can.
When being sick make sure you back up at the same time so it is as long as a humans bare arm on the floor/furniture.
HUMAN’S READING:
If your human is a book reader, get in close under their head, between them and the book, if you feel it would be fruitful to do so paw at the pages and stare into your humans eyes whilst randomly whining for attention.
HUMAN’S STRANGE COMPUTER THING
If your human is working at a computer, walk (or even better sit) across keyboard, bite the wires and sit on human’s hands and arms, remember hinder them typing as much as possible.
HUMAN WALKING:
As often as is physically possible, run quickly and closely over the human’s feet and between their legs, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their hands and when they first get up in the morning. If you manage to make them stumble or trip up - this is good. If you manage to make them drop something - this is better as they seem to pay you lots of attention following this action!
HUMAN SLEEPING:
Always sleep in their bed exactly where your human would normally lie or nearly as good as this would be to sleep on the pillow when your human wants to get into bed - remember the goal of this exercise is to stop the human from firstly getting into their bed and secondly hinder their ability to move once they have settled into their bed - again, this is a real guarantee attention grabber.
YOUR LITTER TRAY:
Your human has spent month’s when you were a kitten showing you that you need to use this less than hygenic method to go to the toilet, what they didn’t teach you is to make sure you kick litter out of the tray as far across the room as possible. It is a underestimation in the cat world just how much humans love the feel of litter stuck to the bottom of their feet (bits of stray poo outside the tray is a MAJOR bonus here)